Friday, 15 September 2017

Why I am having an arranged marriage



When I announced to my friend that I am planning to have an arranged marriage. She was little shocked, though she knows that I am a hijabi and quite serious about my faith and practising Muslim. Alhamdulilah!!!

After digesting the news, She retorted back - why would a beautiful,  privately educated with post graduate degrees, who was born and raised in London with an affluent background and highly paid women would opt for old fashioned arranged marriage where I don't know my future husband at all. According to her I could have any man, as I am in my prime.

That is exactly why I need to have a arranged marriage because I was in a position where I can, as not many are in that position. I have seen women who struggle to find a spouse in western world who do not conform to a certain societal norms or are not considered to be 'Beautiful' or have passed their prime.

I have seen four of my best friends who had arranged marriage and were pretty happy. I have also seen people who had 'non-arranged' marriages and are pretty happy, but most of them were divorced. I am not trying to generalise here, but the point is that Marriage is a risk and a gamble, so why not get little help from someone more experienced -my Mom and Dad.

The most important reason for me to have an arranged marriage is that I trust my mom and dad completely and there is nobody in this world who understands me better or have unconditional love for me. They are far more experienced then me about life. They will always put myself first in making any decisions or finding prospective groom. They will consider not only my faith, but also education, family background and compatibility.  Moreover  I always have an option of first refusal. The advantage here is that it will be a collective decision with collective wisdom, compared to mine alone.

While growing up I was pretty independent and thought that the idea of arranged marriage was outdated, but as I got older, when I saw my friends dating, I realised that the business of dating was very cumbersome, time consuming and non productive. Moreover  UK statistics says that on average a person has eight  sexual partners before they get married, if they get married than around half of them get divorced. So knowing or dating your future spouse is not really a fool proof or gamble free solution. It is rather more risky. Also I can use that Dating/knowing him /going around time for something more productive like enhancing my career or pursuing my passion which is reading/learning.

The arrange marriages are also not that easy and are very cumbersome, but collective decision/wisdom always help in taking away the load and also I plan to marry only once. :)

It is actually a matter of privilege to have people who can arrange your marriage as not many have that privilege.

May Allah make marriages easy for all young men and women.